he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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