A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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