If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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