My nipple is on Facebook.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
