Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
