its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
