Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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