So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
