Umm I'm too high to move.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
