Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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