if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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