five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
