You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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