there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
His hands were made for my vagina.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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