pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
