Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
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