1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
