I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
