Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
