i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
