my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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