i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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