So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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