hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
