Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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