Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
