she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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