Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
