She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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