I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I wear drunk well.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
