Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
