I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
