I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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