I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
