Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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