She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
