We're facebook friends in real life
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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