i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
