Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
