It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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