I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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