glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i wish my penis had a tongue
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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