hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
