Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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