You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
