What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
