I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
