he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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