I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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