OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
