You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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