His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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