he was CRYING into my vagina
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
