Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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