Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
