I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
