CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I pour the whiskey from now on
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
