I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
