last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
it was like eating out sand paper
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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