it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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