Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
