HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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