dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
