Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Randomize
