Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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