That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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