Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
