how can u be prego again
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
