i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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