I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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