I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
