I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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