Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
