just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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