Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
