you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
