i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
