Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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