the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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