we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
