he wants to bone in the snuggie
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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