On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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