I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
