come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
