Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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