distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
