just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
