Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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