She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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