My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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