I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
