I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
