I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
