Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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