My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
how drunk are you?
Several
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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